Jade, you're a "gem" of a woman. Guffaw. © Clarins Singapore
"Remember to grill Jade Seah about the Olympics obscenities!" As it turns out, I didn't have the heart to heed my rabble-rousing friend's catty reminder – nor will you, I suspect, when you discover just how funny and likeable Jade is in person.
Some scene setting: Jade Seah’s making one of many press rounds as the newly unveiled face of Clarins’ Shaping Facial Lift. Outfit: A diaphanous Grecian gown that barely registers. Frame: Delicate, doll-like. Face? Fantastically V-shaped, its enviable slenderness rivalling that of the biggest (or is that smallest) K-Beauties.
As for said Olympics scandal, you may recall Jade’s very public boo-boo back in 2008, when an off-colour remark was accidentally broadcast live on air during her coverage of the Summer Olympics.
Flashforward six years and Jade’s as feisty as ever – a great asset in our post-analog age, really, because the 31-year-old Eurasian is racking up a rabid following via her weekly YouTube musings, all of which are rip-roaringly hilarious and make for great binge-watching. (Funniest of the lot? Jade's flirty tête-à-tête with scruffy stud Bobby Tonelli.)
More bits and bobs we gleaned from the good woman:
She got married via Instagram. Sort of. Further proof of Jade’s social media savviness? The actress announced her engagement on Instagram. Quizzed on the somewhat gimmicky stunt, Jade says that milestone ranks as the most shocking thing she’s ever revealed to her followers: “I was shocked it happened myself, so perhaps others were as shocked as I was?”
Intrepid investigative journalism can only take you that far: Jade declines to divulge anything else about her fiance, save the fact that the lucky dude is a teenage sweetheart and (somewhat quirkily) that he’s precisely 1.74m tall. Roving reporters, arm yourselves with measuring tape!
Speaking of social media, she also has the hots for Kim Kardashian’s butt. Round up your girlfriends and indulge in this thought experiment: If you could Photoshop yourself in real life, with no pain or side effects, what would you get done? Here’s Jade’s response to our little parlour game: “I’m shaped like a boy, so slightly more curves would be welcome!”
Secret to a good selfie? Gua zhi lian. I’ve previously alluded to Jade’s minuscule mien – so small, indeed, that she must surely qualify as one of those lucky ladies blessed with gua zhi lian, or sunflower seed face. That arresting analogy (round forehead tapering to a sharp chin) is the defining barometer of beauty in Asia, and Jade’s a literal poster girl for the movement.
When asked for photo-taking tips, Jade is the ever dutiful ambassador of any brand’s dreams: “As with all selfies, makeup or no makeup, a leaner face makes features stand out more, so Clarins Shaping Facial Lift applied before taking the picture really helps!” Obligatory shout-out: Use SFL and become a V-shaped beauty!
Jade plays with her food. (No wonder she’s so skinny.) Here’s the deal. The lass is undeniably lanky, but in a healthy way, you know? Even her DIY beauty remedies sound positively virtuous: “I juice oranges the old-fashioned way, slicing them in half and squeezing them on a non-automated juicer. Rather than letting the oranges go to waste, rub them on your knees and elbows to lighten these areas that tend to be darker.” Props for ingenuity: Vitamin C is a cornerstone of most brightening skincare products. Works with other citrus fruit too!
She’s angling for a Shape mag cover. When asked for her beauty rituals the night before a big date, Jade says nothing beats a good night’s worth of Zs and lots of exercise: “I find that it’s most important to try to get in a good six hours of sleep, as nothing can fake the look of well-rested skin. I also try to get in a workout the day of the event as this will give the skin an added glow.” What did I say about Jade being the “healthy” sort of slim?
More useful tips: Jade says that bodycon dresses are best worn on post-workout bodies: “Sweating it out eliminates water retention for a more svelte appearance: Especially good if you plan on wearing something fitted. I also apply Clarins Shaping Facial Wrap on the lower half of my face, letting it sit while I put on my contact lenses, following up with Shaping Facial Lift, which I apply using Clarins’ Auto Lifting Method.”
Good saleswoman, this one. That doozy of a quote should make the lovely folks at Clarins Singapore very happy indeed!
From one pageant girl to another: Don’t be so hard on yourself. Local entertainment pundits will remember that Jade was the first runner-up at the Miss Singapore Universe 2006 contest.
When I probe her on her thoughts on working in an industry which places such a premium on youth and beauty, Jade proffers some Hallmark card-worthy bromides: “Take the time to appreciate your best bits and to play them up – if you have great skin, play with shimmery makeup; if you have nice eyes, consider bangs to draw attention to them – you get the picture. You’ll feel more confident if you highlight the areas you like best.”
Lest you think things are getting a tad too preachy, I’ll leave you with Jade’s priceless non sequitur on fellow Clarins addict Lupita Nyong'o at this year’s Oscars: “The flashing of Lupita’s lip balm was quite something, wasn’t it? If it were up to me, I would flash my Shaping Facial Lift – perhaps it’ll get me more than a slice of pizza!”
Well, then. Here's to self-confidence, lucrative endorsement deals and cough, V-shaped faces for everyone!