PHOTO: HER WORLD BRIDES
“I thought I’d try out the ‘female condom’ so my hubby could have a little more fun. As it turns out, I spent half an hour trying to get mine in! By which time, I was so frustrated, I’d lost the mood.” – Selena, Homemaker
“He vomited on my rented gown and I spent all night trying to clean stuff off the beading and sequins.” – Winnie, PR Manager
“Let’s just say getting your period on your wedding night is a big turn-off for grooms. I couldn’t believe it happened just as he was showing me how creative he could get with his mouth. He thought I was getting aroused but I realised that it was my period and got up to go to the bathroom, only to be overtaken by him rushing for the sink to spit, gargle and brush his teeth!” – Shauna, Pharmeceutical Representative
“I didn’t know you could ‘fart’ from the other place down there. I was too embarrassed to comment when he gallantly said that at least it wasn’t smelly.” – Kim, Insurance Agent
“We spent our wedding night drinking with friends in the room. We got so drunk, we all ended up sleeping. So technically, our night was a sleeping orgy – with eight other people!” – Wen, Accountant
“Neither of us wanted to sleep on the ‘wet spot’ so we spent the rest of the night not sleeping well because we had to squeeze to one side of the bed! I don’t know which is funnier – not sleeping because we just had a great make-out session or not sleeping because as a new couple, we still hadn’t gotten the hang of cuddling.” – Valerie, Property Agent
“We had too many yum-sengs and were a bit drunk. Someone had left a bag of hongbao on the bed and we were trying to find the safe but somehow couldn’t remember that it was in the wardrobe. We ended up trying to hide the bag under the pillow, and when we finally got into position, the bag slipped out from under the pillow and I gasped, ‘Oh no, it’s come out!’ Colin replied, ‘No, haven’t started yet!'” – Jen, Marketing Executive
“My husband forgot to bring the condoms! So there wasn’t any whoopee! We had our wedding in a country club and he was too tired to drive out to ‘civilisation’ to buy.” – Jenny, Teacher
“No blunders for us. We just had great love-making! Over and over and over again…” – Sue, Music Teacher
“We slept and snored through the wedding night! [We were] just too tired.” – Chong, Entertainer
“We’d knelt down so many times for the tea ceremony that our knees and thighs were sore. In the night, although he tried his best, my husband just couldn’t support himself with his knees and thighs which were shivering with overstrain. So we ended up in a sitting position, which worked out pretty well too.” – Tin Li, Civil Servant
“He took ages in the bathroom and when he finally emerged, it was obvious he’d been busy with a ‘warm-up’ to prevent being overly aroused and ending our first night experience prematurely. In my nervousness I blurted, ‘oh are you down?'” – Shirlyn, Events Planner
“Great wedding night sex? What sex? My hubby passed out – totally!” – Karen, designer
“We were both virgins on our wedding night, so it was a little awkward. We weren’t even sure if we were doing it right, but the important thing was that we felt good.” – Julie, School Administrator
“Making love was the furthest thing on our minds. Instead, we counted our hongbao.” – Audrey, Financial Adviser
“I’d bought this naughty-looking satin corset in London, complete with laces and hooks at the back, to surprise him. Somehow, the laces got stuck and he couldn’t undo me. We had to call my mum to help. She couldn’t undo the corset either and called my dad. He couldn’t bring himself to do it so he called my aunt and she joined the gang in trying to unlace me, which she succeeded. Then they all trooped out noisily, and I thought things couldn’t get more embarrassing until mum turned at the door and said kindly, ‘If you need any more help, just call.’ So not!” – Sylvia, Dealer
“We were mucking around with him pretending to tear off my wedding dress… and he accidentally did! It was hard explaining to the salon people with a straight face.” – Felicia, Sales
“I fell asleep during the supposedly arousing massage that my husband was giving me! He didn’t have the heart to wake me up.” – Grace, Homemaker
This article was first published in Her World Brides March – May 2009. If you’d like to share with us your own experience, please e-mail us at tfelicia@sph.com.sg. Thank you!