“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” – shared Leo Tolstoy, the famous author and wise sage of human relationships.
A real compromise means you must be willing to give more than you will receive.
While there might be deep-seated beliefs and values that can’t be changed, you can always change in the way you react to a difficult-to-compromise situation.
Here are 6 ways you can work towards handling compromising in marriage:
1. It is not “me against you”
After marriage, you’re now one half of a team. No team can be successful if the players are in disagreement.
Instead of viewing your issues and approaching your discussions in a “me against you” mindset, realise that you’re both working towards the same goals and healthier solutions can transpire.
2. Stand your ground
Avoid giving in if it means forsaking your own happiness. A passive-aggressive tact like “Fine, we’ll do whatever you want”, is just as damaging.
Compromising in this manner will leave you feeling resentment towards your partner.
You’ll think of him/her as the source of your unhappiness, instead of actively trying to work around the issue with maturity and empathy.
3. Know when and what to let go
Couples in healthy marriages take the time to access the importance of each issue to them. There are definitely issues you may not care as much as the happiness of your partner.
Recognise what you can let go in view of the large picture. Ask yourself this: “Will this matter to me in a week, a month or 10 years on?”
4. Run your home together
It is a tedious process, but in the long run, your efforts to have a healthy distribution of the labour in running a home will pay off in a huge way.
5. Understand that it is normal to have long-standing issues
A resolution is not always in the cards. Couples can have problems that stay with them for years. When this happens, it isn’t always time for a divorce.
Instead, as with all things, practice accepting your partner’s point of view, or at least accept you can’t change it.
6. Negotiate wisely
How you react to a situation is half the battle.
Learning how to best confront an issue without coming from a place of unwarranted anger, gives you a better chance of having an effective and healthy discussion.
- Make sure there’s enough time to talk things out
- Get rid of other distractions like your phone or television
- Approach the discussion with openness
- Look for common ground
- When things get heated, sit back and take a moment to calm down
- Don’t let your emotions dictate you