Sex & Love
We know there’s no excuse for being unfaithful, but we just had to ask these men what drew them to other women – you’ll be surprised to know that none of their reasons had anything to do with sex
“There was nothing wrong with my ex-girlfriend – we loved each other and had an okay relationship. But when I met Kay*, my heart actually skipped a beat. She wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous but she had a beautiful smile and laugh that drew me in. After just five minutes of talking to her I knew I had to see her again, so I asked her out for lunch. I was beyond excited to spend time with her – more so than I ever had my then-girlfriend. At the end of the date we shared the most amazing kiss and agreed to meet up again. The way I felt about Kay made me question my relationship. How could I continue with my girlfriend when I felt so strongly about another woman? So I made a decision to leave my girlfriend, and now Kay and I are engaged.” – Trevor*, 35, business executive Photos: 123rf ALSO READ: THE 3 WAYS TO HEAL AFTER YOU CALL IT QUITS WITH A CHEATING EX “I was dating a woman who was just too into herself. ‘Selfish’ is too mild a word to describe her. It bugged me a lot, and we talked about it, but I didn’t realise how pathetic it was until I ran into a girl I went out with in junior college. Melinda* was the total opposite of my then-girlfriend – considerate and caring, and someone who always put others before herself. I was intensely attracted to that. I did end up cheating on my girlfriend with her but I don’t regret it one bit. ” – Thomas*, 35, engineer ALSO READ: THE 3 WAYS TO HEAL AFTER YOU CALL IT QUITS WITH A CHEATING EX “My ex-girlfriend hardly spent time with me, and when we did hang out, she was usually distracted with other things and barely spoke to me. I probably would’ve continued to put up with it had I not met my current girlfriend, Annette*. We were at a work event and spent the whole evening talking. She never took her eyes off me when I spoke and was interested in everything I had to say. I felt that she really cared about me and enjoyed my company; I felt valued – something I never felt with my ex. We continued seeing each other for a while before I decided to end things with my ex. It was the best decision of my life.” – Shawn*, 32, F & B executive ALSO READ: HOW WE DEALT WITH HEARTBREAK: PART 1 “The first thing that struck me about Angeline* was that she was spontaneous, bubbly, outgoing and fun. I was attracted to those qualities immediately and couldn’t help comparing her to my then-girlfriend, who was serious and boring. I know it’s lame but I ended up getting involved with Angeline* because she was so much fun. When I was with her, I felt alive and free. Unfortunately our affair didn’t last because she got bored with me, but she made me see that my ex and I were not meant to be together.” – Andre*, 31, writer ALSO READ: THE 3 WAYS TO HEAL AFTER YOU CALL IT QUITS WITH A CHEATING EX “I met Candace* through work. She was filling in for a colleague who was on long leave, so we got to spend quite a bit of time together. I was physically attracted to her right away, but I particularly loved how she made me feel – accepted and understood. My partner at the time was highly critical of me; I could never do right by her and felt like I had to live up to her impossible standards. With Candace, though, I could make mistakes or say the wrong thing, and she never made me feel like I was a loser. She made me feel good about myself. It didn’t take me long to fall in love with her and decide to call it quits with my ex.” – Matthew*, 30, sales manager ALSO READ: HOW WE DEALT WITH HEARTBREAK: PART 1 “This makes me sound like a jerk, but I was unfaithful to my girlfriend because she refused to give me any emotional support when my brother passed away suddenly. Instead of being understanding and empathetic, she acted as if nothing happened and told me I needed to snap out of my depression. It was a lonely time in my life but the one person who was there for me was a close female friend. We spent a lot of time together and she listened to me whenever I needed to talk. Naturally, we forged a close bond and within months I realised I was in love with her. In the end I left my girlfriend to be with her, because my relationship was starting to feel like a lie.” – Nick*, 28, teacher ALSO READ: THE 3 WAYS TO HEAL AFTER YOU CALL IT QUITS WITH A CHEATING EX “I was at someone’s party. My girlfriend had left early and I stayed on to drink and play board games with the other guests. There was a girl there whom I got along with brilliantly – she made me laugh and I discovered that we had tons in common. Before I knew it, she and I were among the last ones left. I don’t know what came over me but I kissed her. This led to a hot make-out session and we ended up seeing each other again. Unfortunately, someone at the party told my girlfriend that I’d been flirting with someone else and we fought for a week before she dumped me. I hung out with the girl from the party for the next several months – we were so alike it was crazy. I always say that she’s the female version of me.” – Kenneth*, 40, banker ALSO READ: HOW WE DEALT WITH HEARTBREAK: PART 1 “I fell for Dawn* because she invested a lot in herself – she cared about the way she looked and dressed and the way she presented herself in public. There was just something really sexy and feminine about her that stole my heart. At the time I was dating a woman who was, for want of a better word, a slob. I didn’t want to be superficial, but it got to the point where she stopped caring about how she looked altogether and we argued about it. I found myself wanting to spend more and more time with Dawn, who was a friend of a friend. Pretty soon it became clear that we were sexually attracted to each other too, and that things wouldn’t work out between my ex and I.” – Leon*, 33, operations executive *Names have been changed ALSO READ: HOW WE DEALT WITH HEARTBREAK: PART 1
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