Love isn’t just romantic: How friendship, community, and true connection make life whole

“How To Build A Singaporean Woman” is a Her World original docuseries which highlights the social and cultural issues that women in Singapore face, and asks: what does it mean to be a Singaporean woman today? 

In the eleventh episode, “Find Her Tribe”, we explore the beauty and power of female friendships through the stories of two dynamic duos. Meet Noor Soeb (Norah) and Susie Chua, both retired and affectionately known as the “Two Travelling Aunties”, as well as Charmaine Seah-Ong, Production Lead at Secret Studios, and Aarika Lee, Entrepreneur & Educator. Charmaine and Aarika, both mums of three and best friends for 27 years and counting. Whether these bonds are formed through school, travel, or shared values, these chosen communities serve as anchors, support systems, and a compelling reminder that connection matters — at every age and in every season of life.

When shared experiences become lasting connections

When Norah returned from her long solo trips to Europe and the U.S., she thought she was done with travel. Then came along Susie.

However, it was not love at first sight. In fact, Norah walked right past her without so much as a hello. But after a few more community events, badminton games, and chit-chat sessions, they realised they had more in common than expected — and it went far beyond just being fellow Leos. “We found we have more similarities in our life principles, politics. You know, those kind of important adult stuff,” reminisced Norah.

On the other hand, Charmaine and Aarika’s origin story began in the corridors of CHIJ Katong Convent when they were 15. As the eldest of four children, they bonded over similar frustrations about their younger siblings and school life, especially since they lived close enough to hang out together after school every day. With shared experiences (and brothers from the same school), their connection was instant and grew since.

Why two heads are better than one

Norah admitted that before she met Susie, the idea of vanlifing — travelling long-term and full-time in a motorhome — had never crossed her mind during her solo travels. Having a travel companion, she says, is like having a second opinion or an extra brain to rely on.

Aarika reiterates this sentiment, sharing that the depth and longevity of her friendship with Charmaine have, in many ways, inspired her to become a better person and do more good in the world. “Friends do that for you. Like they open up your world. They open up your world to other things,” enthused Aarika.

In a world where less than 50% of young Singaporeans aged 21 to 34 feel anxious about in-person interactions and report higher levels of social isolation and loneliness, these women show us the antidote: real, human connection.

Growing up away from the male gaze

For Aarika and Charmaine, growing up in an all-girls environment gave them a unique foundation of self-confidence. Without the pressure to impress boys, their focus was on self-discovery, surrounded by friends who were navigating the same challenges at the same time, creating a safe space to be themselves and grow together.

Aarika noted that if someone forgot a sanitary pad or had a stain on their skirt, classmates would discreetly help out without embarrassment. This unspoken solidarity created a safe space where girls could navigate puberty together without fear of ridicule, unlike in mixed-gender schools where such situations might lead to teasing. 

Female friendships, shaped by this kind of empathy and care, often carry a deeper sense of intimacy, nurturance, and satisfaction. While men may typically reserve emotional closeness for romantic partners, women have long understood the quiet magic and strength of sisterhood.

Why community matters even more with age

Norah emphasised the importance of community, especially for single women, without a husband or children. In a society where people might jokingly or harshly label them as “condemned already”, the uncertainty of who will care for them in later years makes having a strong support network all the more vital.

Charmaine reflects that when facing something difficult, the instinct is often to withdraw, as if speaking about it makes the pain more real. But in reality, staying silent can make things worse, trapping you in a cycle of overthinking and emotional isolation.

Watching her mother struggle with dementia made Susie deeply aware of how harmful isolation can be. It reinforced her belief in the importance of staying socially connected for mental well-being, prompting her to make a conscious effort to engage with others regularly. Norah echoes this sentiment, emphasising that having a community around you, not just during times of need, is crucial, as it fosters greater empathy and openness to different ways of life. 

This need for connection is underscored by the fact that 2 in 5 Singaporeans aged 62 years and older reported feelings of loneliness and social isolation, even if they are living with their family. Many spend less than an hour a week in groups of more than three people outside their family and often lack a trusted person to turn to during personal difficulties.

Moments that make us feel seen

In a world where meaningful connections can sometimes feel rare, it’s the small acts of kindness and unexpected moments of community that remind us of the beauty of human connection. Whether it’s the generosity of strangers abroad or heartfelt traditions passed down through families, these gestures create a sense of belonging and show just how much a little thoughtfulness can brighten someone’s day.

In Santiago, Chile, Norah and Susie were invited into the home of complete strangers — Singaporeans who offered warmth and hospitality simply because they could. And as for Charmaine, her mum has a charming habit of mass-sending photo collages as life updates. Aarika’s mum, too, keeps an exhaustive birthday calendar of every single person’s birthday.

Susie explains that forming genuine friendships with colleagues can be challenging due to the natural professional boundaries that keep people at arm’s length. However, while travelling, it’s much easier to unexpectedly meet someone and discover shared interests, creating a more authentic connection.

The healing power of community

Charmaine reminds us of the joy of welcoming others in. “Be that friend who, when you make a new friend, introduces that friend to your friend group. So they’re like, everyone makes a new friend, right?” she remarked.

With social clubs, interest groups, and online communities more accessible than ever, finding your tribe is just a step (or maybe even a DM) away.

The average number of close friends among Singaporeans has dropped from 10 in 2018 to just six in 2024. This decline is especially noticeable among those aged 18 to 35, who tend to have fewer close friends than their older counterparts, regardless of socio-economic status (SES).

Norah adds that since the world doesn’t revolve around any one person, stepping out of our comfort zones and engaging with the wider world is essential for growth and fulfilment.

Aarika, too, believes that soulmates can definitely exist in platonic relationships, noting that through various romantic relationships, Charmaine has been her constant.