True Stories

TRUE STORY: “I left my man because he hated my guy friends!”

Telling me to give up my friends was big no-no, even though I was in love with him
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Most of my friends referred to Jude* and I as 'the perfect couple'. On the surface, it certainly seemed that way, as we had so much fun together and were living the high life. Jude worked for a regional company and travelled often so I accompanied him on many trips soon after we started dating.

And, if I couldn't take much time off work, I'd fly to where he was some weekends, just to spend time with him. Our lives were filled with cosy photos taken at various five-star hotels in the region and we had most of our meals in fancy restaurants or just ordered room service if we were too lazy.

Jude made me laugh more than any other man I had been with. But, the truth is, he was also the most jealous guy I had ever met.

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I'm the type of girl who gets along equally well with men and women and, therefore, have a lot of close male friends too, in addition to my longtime girlfriends. And, while Jude loved charming my female friends, he hated my guy friends.

We were lucky that we had so much alone time, thanks to travelling together. But, when we were both in Singapore, it was a different story altogether. Jude was willing from the start to meet my friends but he only spent his time talking to the women. At first, I didn't notice it. I was so into him and was pleased that it was so easy to get him to be with my friends that I didn't pay attention to who he was – or wasn't – talking to.

But I realised after he had been out with us a few times that he only spoke to the women. I only invited Jude when there was a group of us hanging out, so there was always a mix of guys and girls. But he never had any interest in the men; in fact, he always slagged them off when we were alone later on. It started off with off-the-cuff comments like, “Did so-and-so really think that joke of his was that funny?” or “Why does so-and-so always tell such boring stories?”.



No Questions, Please

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Then he started questioning me about my guy friends – where did I meet them, how long have I known them, do they have girlfriends etc. I thought perhaps he was a bit jealous and, to be honest, I found that endearing. I mean, surely that meant he loved me and just wanted to make sure all my friends were good people too?

But, soon, he made it very obvious that he had no interest in befriending any of my guy friends. He was rude to them and, when any of them spoke to him, Jude very clearly looked bored. This made things very awkward for me. I had known my friends far longer than Jude, but he was my boyfriend and I was absolutely in love with him.

If any of my guy friends were having a birthday party or any such celebration, Jude made excuses and never went with me. He was perfectly happy to mingle when it was a female friend who was hosting a party, though. But I shrugged it off. I thought perhaps I was being paranoid and that it was just a coincidence that he was busy on those exact nights.

Because he travelled a lot, Jude didn't come out with me and my friends very often so it was only after about six months of dating that it really started to bug me. His difference in behaviour was clear to me and I decided I had to confront him.

I asked if he had a problem with my guy friends and wanted to know why he was so cold towards them. My guy friends had never mentioned anything to me but it was clear that they didn't like Jude as they never asked me about him and certainly didn't make any attempt to get to know him better, as they did with my previous boyfriends. Jude brushed away my accusations and pretty much insinuated that I was overreacting, which got me even angrier, of course. But I dropped the subject and we carried on as usual.   



My Birthday Surprise

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Three weeks later, I decided to plan a night out with all my friends – and Jude too, of course – for my upcoming birthday so I told my boyfriend about it. He kept telling me to cancel those plans and have our own celebration instead; I told him I could do both.

He asked who I was going to invite for my party so I rattled off a few names. He then told me flat out not to invite any of my guy friends. He said they were 'creepy' and 'boring' and that I really should find some new friends. I was stunned. I never expected him to be so direct with me. I didn't back down, of course. I told him there was no way I was changing my guest list and that he had to accept my friends as part of me and my life.

Things were strained between us over the next couple of weeks and, a few nights before my party, he asked again if I had thought about what he said about my guest list. It was one thing not to like my friends, but asking me not to see them was the last straw for me. I told him my friends list stays and if he didn't like it, he didn't have to attend the party.

Jude didn't show up for my birthday party. What surprised me more was that I wasn't as affected by it as I thought I would be. He sent me a message to wish me happy birthday on the actual day and said he wanted to take me out to celebrate. I never replied.

I never saw him again. 

*Names have been changed