“The first time my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a colleague, I forgave him and tried to work at the relationship. I thought he was serious about changing his behaviour, but several months later, I discovered that he had cheated on me a few more times, and all with different women he’d met on a dating app. I was devastated. I decided that there was no point waiting around for him to change, so I called it quits. Ultimately, if your partner can’t – or doesn’t want to – commit to you and make the relationship work, then you’re just wasting your time.” – Annabelle*, 34, teacher
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*All names have been changed.
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“I loved my ex-boyfriend but he never wanted to have sex or be sexually intimate with me. In the beginning things were fine, but then one day we just stopped having sex. After two years of refusing to have sex with me, yet insisting that he still loved and wanted to be with me, I decided, enough is enough, and parted ways with him. It hurt me to do so, but sex is important to me and there was no way I was going to be with someone who didn’t find me sexually attractive. All along, my ex would give me excuses like, ‘I just don’t feel like doing it’, ‘I’m tired’, and ‘I don’t need to have sex’. But he never elaborated and would get angry if I suggested we see a counsellor. If he’d had some physical or emotional problem that prevented him from having sex with me, I would’ve understood, but he didn’t even want to discuss it, and that made me feel like my sexual needs weren’t that important to him.” – Grace*, 35, marketing manager
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“I had a serious boyfriend who chronically lied to me, even about the most benign things. For instance, he’d tell me that he ate chicken for lunch when he actually had beef, or lie about what time he woke up that morning. He was also secretive, refusing to let me touch his phone or wallet, and not allowing me to meet his parents and friends. After a year I thought, do I even know this man? I allowed him into my world but he didn’t want me entering his. And, hard as I tried, I couldn’t push my way through. It didn’t feel like a real relationship, so in the end I left him.” – Claire*, 34, writer
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“My ex-boyfriend was a gem when we began dating – he was considerate and helpful. After a while he just stopped caring about me, and it didn’t take long for me – and my friends – to notice. For instance, he would refuse to pick me up from wherever I was, insisting that I find my own way back, even if it was late at night. He would cook meals for himself and not bother to ask if I’d eaten yet. He’d forget to buy me a gift or even wish me on my birthday. He stopped hugging and kissing me, and stopped treating me with kindness and respect. It hurt me a lot. When I raised the issue to him, he shrugged it off and told me that I was asking too much from him. I realised then that I could no longer stay with him.” – Vera*, 30, flight attendant
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ALSO READ: TRUE STORY: “I CAUGHT MY HUSBAND HAVING AN AFFAIR VIA HIS SEXTS TO ANOTHER WOMAN!”
“My ex and I are still good friends but the reason we couldn’t sustain a relationship was because we hardly saw each other over the two years we were together. I’m a lawyer and he’s a doctor, and we were always busy with work. On top of that, we lived on opposite sides of the island. We would try to meet twice a week but we were always too tired to do anything fun. We didn’t even have the time or energy to talk on the phone when we were apart. As much as we loved each other, we decided that things probably wouldn’t work between us, and we decided to go our separate ways. Of course, I wish it hadn’t led to that, but had we stayed together we wouldn’t have been able to devote ourselves to each other the way we wanted.” – Lisa*, 37, lawyer
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“I used to date a guy who was financially irresponsible. At 34 years old he had no savings and no financial goals, and was in debt to his eyeballs. I, on the other hand, was the opposite. I tried very hard to make our relationship work because he was a good man in every other respect, but it was just too difficult. At some point I told myself that it wasn’t my job to teach this grown man about money, and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life monitoring how much he was spending and saving.” – Catherine*, 36, drama teacher
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ALSO READ: 10 RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS TO LOOK OUT FOR
“My ex-boyfriend and I didn’t know how to relate to each other – I’m the honest and confrontational sort, whereas he prefers to stonewall and give me the silent treatment when he’s got a problem with me. This led to a lot of arguments, which caused us both to feel very dissatisfied in the relationship. In the end I left him because I knew that the situation wouldn’t change, even with relationship counselling. I believe that two people should have similar communication styles, because if you can’t communicate with each other you have nothing.” – Suzanne*, 32, production assistant
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ALSO READ: TRUE STORY: “I CAUGHT MY HUSBAND HAVING AN AFFAIR VIA HIS SEXTS TO ANOTHER WOMAN!”
“You should never stay with a guy who puts you down – even if he says he’s just ‘joking’ – or who bullies you into doing things. My last partner was like that, making fun of my body when I put on even just a bit of weight, taunting me when my cat died despite knowing how upset I was, and calling me an attention seeker whenever I wore more makeup or dressed sexier than usual. After a while I got sick of being treated that way and left him. I knew he wouldn’t change because that was just the person he was, and I felt that I could do much better.” – Lydia*, 31, corporate communications specialist
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