Sex & Love

Do you have relationship anxiety?

Don't let it put you off getting involved, use these 7 tips to help you through it instead
 

Photo: Pexels

You might be someone who suffers from anxiety in general and this could spill over into your love life too. Or you might be someone who's been burned badly in the past and therefore have trust issues when it comes to men. Relationship anxiety could also strike anyone at anytime, especially at the beginning of a relationship, when you're unsure about your partner and are anxious about doing the right things to keep him happy. Whichever case you fall under, know that there are ways to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship even with relationship anxiety. Here are seven ways to deal with it.

 

Don't be a control freak

One of the most important steps is to acknowledge that there are only so many factors you can control when it comes to your relationship anxiety. You can control how you react to people and situations but you have no say over what actually happens and how the people around you behave. So if your partner does something to fan the flames of your relationship anxiety, don't punish him for it. Decide how you want to respond to the situation instead of breaking down (and breaking up) and swearing yourself off relationships for the rest of your life.

 

Don't blame your partner

If your boyfriend is behaving as any other regular partner would, don't make it seem as though he's the cause of your issues. Of course you want him to be sympathetic to your plight but you have to stop at blaming him for everything that goes wrong. Don't project your fears onto him because that isn't fair on him. While he might be able to help you through your issues, you have to first take responsibility for them before you can properly deal with them. So manage your emotions and don't push your man away.

 

Photo: 123rf

 

Be affectionate

Physically touching the ones you love has an immediate calming effect and will also perk up your mood. Give each other a hug and/or kiss every time you meet and say goodbye. And, if you're living with your partner, make it a point to be affectionate when you're at home. Ever felt better after an exhausting day when your man gives you a big hug at the end of it? That's exactly what we're talking about. Even if you're angry at them for whatever reason, things like hugging and touching will remind you that you love him and that he loves you too. It's the reassurance you need to make you feel more secure and happy in your relationship.

 

Be independent

Just because you're in a relationship with a wonderful man doesn't mean you forget everything and everyone you knew before he entered into your life and focus only on him. You need to keep being the person you have always been, instead of thinking you were incomplete without him. This way, you won't pin all your hopes and happiness on him because that will make you fall to pieces in the event that your relationship doesn't work out. Remember that you, as yourself, are whole, so go ahead and find your happiness in other things, people and activities too – and not just rely on him for it.

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Don't keep score

If you're constantly keeping track of what you have done for him versus what he has done for you, you're probably going to be in an anxious state most of the time. A relationship isn't a competition – between the two of you or against other couples – so don't keep score. The important thing is that he loves you and makes you happy (and vice versa) so don't give yourself unnecessary stress by thinking about things that shouldn't matter in a relationship.

 

Photo:123rf

 

Don't over analyse

The more you ask yourself questions like, “What did he mean by that?” or, “Why did he do that?”, you're on a slippery slope towards having more doubts about your relationship. Being in a relationship shouldn't keep you on perpetual tenterhooks so don't give yourself any extra reasons to be anxious.

 

Give it a go

When you get into a relationship, you have to give it 100% as being totally emotionally invested is the best way to see if it will work. It's good to share with your partner how you feel so that they're aware of it but you have to make the commitment that you'll try your best. Allow yourself to love and be loved. Also, be realistic and accept the fact that your relationship might not last and you shouldn't take it as a personal endorsement of what a terrible person you are, if that happens. Every experience we have in life – both positive and negative – allows us to grow in some way so embrace the fact that, even if it doesn't work out, you'll have learnt something about relationships or yourself, instead of letting it affect your future relationships.

 

Photo: 123rf

 

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