You have a lovely boyfriend but, for some reason, you don't feel like you deserve him – or even general happiness. It's important to be secure with yourself before you get into a relationship, or you could be sabotaging it without even knowing. Here are eight signs that show you're an insecure girlfriend.
#1: You avoid confrontation
You're constantly on edge as to whether he really wants to be with you and whether or not you're good enough to be with him. So, in order to avoid finding out how he really feels about you, you push away any sort of discussion about your relationship. There's the fear that he might end the relationship if he finds out about your insecurities so you don't ever want to have to confront the situation. Discussing things – and even arguing about them sometimes – is an important part of a healthy relationship so don't shy away from it if you want your relationship to work out.
#2: You're obsessed with his past relationships
It's normal to want to know what his life was like before he met you and this includes delving into his relationship history. But constantly asking him questions about his ex girlfriends? That's a no-no. Only insecure women field questions such as “Do you ever think about her?” or “Was she prettier than me?”. You might be looking for reassurance that you're better than all of them but this isn't the way to do it – and neither do you actually need it, to be honest. He's with you now, not them, so accept this and be happy with him; there's no need to constantly second guess how he feels.
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#3: You check his phone a lot
You're so curious to know who he's talking to or messaging – even if he isn't doing it excessively – that you can't resist snooping into his phone when he's in the shower or asleep. Not only is this a sign of your insecurity, it's also a major invasion of privacy. Constantly needing to check his phone or browser history isn't innocent or a normal part of being in a relationship so admit that you have a problem if you're doing this. And, while you're at it, don't 'drop in' on him at the office or when he's out with friends, just to check what he's really up to.
#4: Your life revolves around him
Yes, it's lovely to spend all your free time with your boyfriend, especially when you first start dating. But if you're past the honeymoon stage and you're still making all your plans around his schedule, this isn't on. Ditching your family, friends and hobbies for a man reeks of insecurity. If you feel that you can't – and don't want to – do anything without him, it's time to take stock of your emotions.
#5: You want his life to revolve around you
You don't want him to do anything that doesn't involve you and when he goes out without you – even if it's just for drinks with his colleagues – you spend those few hours wondering what he's up to. If you don't trust your man, there's a high chance it's because you're feeling insecure. And if you have the need to control your man and what he does in his life, it's a red flag that you've got some serious insecurity issues.
#6: You want to be the best thing in his life
It's every woman's dream to be the best thing that ever happened to her man. But if you're hoping for everything else in his life to fall apart so that you're the only bit that shines, you're letting your insecurities rule the relationship. You somehow need him to cling on to you and appreciate you so you secretly wish that he has to do so because every other aspect of his life isn't working out. People in happy relationships want the best for their partner so stop with the sabotaging and own up to your insecurities.
#7: You analyse everything he says
If you're constantly asking yourself “What did he mean by that?”, it's probably because you're insecure. Don't look for hidden meanings in things he tells you or analyse every single word he utters to you. Let go of your insecurities and be relaxed with your man so that you give yourselves a chance to be in a normal, happy relationship.
#8: You have baggage
We all take our past experiences with us into new relationships but the extent to which this affects us is the difference between being a regular girlfriend and an insecure one. If you hold on to the hurt and resentment from your previous relationship into this one, you're going to be suspicious of everything your new man does. It's going to make it hard for you to trust him as you navigate a relationship filled with your insecurities. Let go of your baggage before you jump into a new relationship and you'll give yourself a much higher chance of it being a success.
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