Breaking up is hard to do indeed, but what might be even more difficult is getting back onto the dating scene. You might be hurt from a relationship you thought would last forever or maybe you have trust issues because your partner cheated on you. Whatever the case, you shouldn't give up but should instead get back in the dating game. Here are six ways to make the journey an easier one.
Forget the past
If you want to be in a relationship that works out, the last thing you should do is keep holding on to the past. So your ex hurt you very badly...if you think you're ready to move on, make sure he isn't on your mind anymore. Not only should you not think of him, you shouldn't talk about him to or compare him with any new man you meet.
Say goodbye to the past before you can give the dating scene a warm hello.
“I realised I was scaring men away when I brought up my ex to three dates I went on so I stopped doing it and had better results,” said Nessa, 27.
It's hard to think of happy endings after a break-up but step out of this mindset and look at the future with positive thoughts.
“Like most women after a break-up, I went through a phase of thinking all men are idiots and that I'll never find someone worthy of my attention,” Sandra, 25, confessed. “It took me almost a year but I eventually saw that it's not every other man's fault that my relationship didn't work, so I shouldn't 'punish' them for it.”
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Get to know yourself
Before jumping back into the dating scene, you should spend time alone and get to know yourself again. Every experience in life changes us so your relationship would've changed you in some way too.
Ask yourself what you want right now and also what kind of man you're looking for. You might have a type and always go for the same kind of guys or you might realise that you need a man with a different personality. But you won't know this until you question yourself so don't be afraid to do this.
Open yourself up to new experiences and opportunities and you'll find getting back into the dating game more exciting. But don't totally change your personality or say/do things only because you think men will like you more because of it.
Instead, try things you never imagined doing before, like going on speed dates or agreeing to a blind date. The more opportunities you say 'yes' to, the higher your chances of getting back onto the saddle.
“I used to be really old-fashioned when it came to meeting men,” said Louise, 30. “I even frowned upon friends who went on dates with men they met at bars. But after my last break-up, I thought I'd try new things so I registered on a dating app. I haven't met anyone I want to be in a relationship with but I'm having fun going on dates. This has made me more comfortable and confident too.”
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Take your time
There's no hard-and-fast rule as to when you should start dating again after a break-up. Some people are able to move on after a few weeks while others can't bear to even be friendly with anyone of the opposite sex for a year or two. So don't force yourself to meet people if you don't feel you're ready for it yet.
“I wasn't able to get over my break-up for at least eight months but my friends were pushing me to start dating again after three months,” said Marina, 27. “I went on a couple of dates set up by friends but I wasn't ready so they were disasters.”
Don't pin all your hopes on the next guy you date – he might turn out to be Mister Right but it's also possible he'll be just another guy on your 'men I've dated' list. While you should have a positive attitude towards dating, don't expect every man you meet to be the most wonderful man ever.
Give the guys a chance, get to know them and enjoy the experience. Have fun with the ones you get along with and don't take it too seriously. It'll make you more relaxed and that itself attracts more men.
“When my ex and I broke-up, many of my friends were getting married and I felt like I was 'missing out' by being single at my age,” said Nurul, 32. “So I started looking for a 'husband' but that was a big mistake because I was giving out all the wrong signals. Thankfully, I realised my mistake and became more chilled and that's when I met someone.”
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