From The Straits Times    |

relationship advice singapore - how to deal with lazy husband jealous wife

My friend’s wife seems to have an issue with me. When a bunch of us meet up for dinner, she always shows up unannounced (even at places that require reservations) – but only when I’m around. My girlfriends tell me that when they meet up with my friend, his wife doesn’t always show. Oh, and she barely acknowledges me or bothers to even make small talk. Am I reading too much into it, and should I speak to my friend about it? 

Maybe. I mean, everyone loves a good conspiracy theory – the US took down the twin towers, Jay Z is poisoning the water supply, Hillary Clinton runs a paedophile ring from the basement of a pizza restaurant. Come on, they’re all ridiculous. But what’s the play when it comes to your friend’s wife? You may think she’s trying to keep tabs on you and him, but that just smacks of conspiracy. If she’s doing that, then that’s her hang-up – don’t let it become yours. Keep meeting your friend, treat his wife nice when she tags along, and she’ll eventually come around. If she doesn’t, you can always start some kind of fake rumour about her. Those seem fairly effective these days.

This guy I’ve been hanging out with wants to take it to the next level. I’m not ready, but want to continue spending time with him. Recently though, I found out that he’s started seeing someone else! Should I still hang out with him? 

By starting to see someone else, he’s saying he likes you, but he’s not going to wait forever. And by seeing someone else, he’s hoping to jump-start you to the next level. In short, if you want something with this guy, you’d better be ready to elevate this relationship out of the friend zone. If not, then maybe it’s time to move on.

I’m planning a holiday with my husband and I’ve given him just one job: to book the hotel room. But he wants me to tell him exactly what to book. It’s one example of how he won’t take the initiative and always relies on me to tell him what to do. How do I get him to step up? 

Ah, the proverbial lazy husband complex. As a proverbial lazy boyfriend, I’ll let you in on a secret: we’re not lazy, we’re just trying to make you happy. See, his indecision isn’t because he can’t take control, it’s because he doesn’t want to. When guys are on vacation, we’d be happy sleeping in a pig-filled barn because it’s a vacation! Who cares! And that’s why he won’t make a choice. He’s waiting to see what your preference is. In this case, if you want him to take control, give the guy a few hints as to where you’d like to stay. He’ll make it happen, and you won’t be staying in a junkyard on your trip. Hopefully.

My boyfriend gets on really well with my best friend. Should I be worried?

This is a classic problem. A friend of mine asked her aunt (who’s been married for 50 years!) for her secret to a happy marriage. The aunt replied: “I don’t have any friends who want to sleep with my husband.” But hold up, just because your boyfriend and bestie are talking doesn’t mean anything is going to happen. Think about it: they’re two of the closest people in your life and it’s inevitable that they’d become friends. That should make you feel a little better. At the end of the day, whether things stay that way or they decide they want something more, it’s not really within your control. Just keep living your life, enjoy your relationship and don’t give your man any reason to stray. Nothing like two people complaining about their partners to spark off an affair.

 

This article was first published in the March 2017 issue of Her World.

 

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