From The Straits Times    |

How do I chat up the guy I like at the gym.jpg

There’s a handsome guy at the gym I go to whom I really like, but I don’t have a good enough excuse to approach him and start a conversation. How can I get him to notice me?
Trust me, he has already noticed you. Guys may miss details like brand names and new haircuts, but you can rest assured that they take a well-inventoried stock of the girls at the gym. Just go talk to him – guys don’t care how a girl approaches them, they’re just happy to be approached. You’re in a gym – ask him for help with your workout, like checking if your hips are rotating correctly or whatnot.

My husband doesn’t help out at home. I’ve tried asking him nicely, but it doesn’t work and I’ve resorted to yelling – which I don’t like doing. Any advice?
What’s your tolerance for a mess? If it’s high, just don’t clean. Anything. And see how long it takes him to realise he will live in filth until he starts helping out. OK, that’s a little extreme; try this instead: don’t do his laundry, sew his socks or whatever else you do that he benefits from directly. Tell him that he is now in charge of these things and see how long he goes around wearing the same smelly clothes. He’ll figure it out and start pitching in soon after. I hope.

There’s no way women could ever change men or control their thoughts and actions – what do you think, Jay?
Controlling people, regardless of gender, is pretty tough to do. There’s no way to fully control anyone, and if you’re looking to control someone, you should probably just get a dog. Not having control over your man’s thoughts and actions doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship with him. There’s that thing called trust – and any real relationship has to have plenty of it.

What do married men consider full-blown cheating?
It is completely possible for married men to flirt with other women but still love their wives. In fact, it is probably something that happens more often than not – but the same can be said for women. Everyone loves to get a little attention; it’s not a male or female thing, it’s a human thing. That said, a man’s definition of full-blown cheating differs from guy to guy, depending on the sleaze factor – though most would agree that having sex with a woman who is not their wife is definitely considered cheating, so let’s just go with that.

Image: Corbis

This story was first published in Her World Magazine August 2015.

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