Sex is meant to be fun, but it can be nerve-racking when you're doing it for the first time. Don't panic, we're here to help you through this important relationship milestone:
Are You Ready?
Before getting down with your man, make sure that you're mentally, physically and emotionally ready. Sex is more than just a physical act; it should be enjoyable and emotionally fulfilling, too. Talk to him first and decide if you're both ready for it; it doesn't have to happen on your wedding night so don't pressure yourselves to get going if you're just not prepared.
Speak to your doctor beforehand about the most appropriate method of contraception so that you're equipped when you're ready to proceed to the next step. And even if you decide to go on the pill, get your husband to use a condom too, as this will protect you from contracting any STIs.
Don't Have High Expectations
We hate to be a downer, but first-time sex usually isn't the most mind-blowing. Sex tends to get better the more you know about each other's bodies and what turns each other on, and you need time to achieve this. It's normal for both of you to be anxious and it will probably be a tad awkward in the beginning. It could also be painful for you and you might bleed after penetration, too. The key is to relax and get comfortable with each other’s bodies.
Lots Of Foreplay!
Take your time with foreplay so that both of you are ready for the deed itself. Foreplay also helps couples to bond as it gives you free reign to explore each other while getting intimate. So put on some romantic music, light some candles or do anything else that gets you in the mood. Having a shower together is also a good idea – it's a great way to freshen up after a long day and to get foreplay going at the same time.
Another benefit of having a lot of foreplay is that it'll get you lubricated and ready for the main act. You should be sufficiently aroused before intercourse itself because, if you aren't, he'll have a hard (no pun intended) time entering you and you'll feel uncomfortable and, possibly, pain too. It's best to keep some lube in the room too, just in case it's needed.
Keep It Simple
Leave your copy of The Kama Sutra for another night. Simple and straightforward may be the way to go, at least for the first time – the missionary position works best or you can go on top if you want to take charge.
Talk To Him
We don't mean dirty talk here – although that's fine too, if you're both comfortable with it – but tell him how you're feeling during the act. Let him know when he does something that feels good and lead him somewhere else if he's in a zone that's not working for you. The more he knows about your body, the better the sex you'll be having. Also, ask him what he wants you to do to him; don't be shy.
Don't Expect The Big O
Most women don't have an orgasm the first time as you need to know what works for you before you can get there, be it specific sexual positions or the specific type of stimulation you need. So don't be disappointed if it doesn't end with a bang. But don't fake it either; be honest with your man and work towards making it happen the next time.
Your man is probably as nervous as you are and might have issues of his own too. Premature ejaculation is a possibility here, or he might even have problems getting it up. Don't make fun of him for not performing as expected, as this'll only make things worse. And don't blame yourself either as this is just one of those things that happens sometimes. Give yourselves some time and try again in a while or on another night.
The most important thing is to enjoy what you're doing so don't be too serious. Laughing is also a good way to release tension in a potentially uneasy situation so don't be afraid to throw in a joke here or there (but never at his expense).